no name

a battle well fought
is a battle worth losing
for what we once thrived for
is what makes life worth living
you live for a person then what is your life?
a shadow of nothing or a roll of a dice?
a battle well fought
is a battle worth losing
for if you are my all
and my all has been given
I've lived for a person and tried as i might
love is a war, a struggle a fight
If a war has been summoned and we are now soldiers
my daffodil traded for diamonds and roses
innocence garbaged for vanity and sin
then here is my promise my aching surrender
I will walk to you adorned in white
only to hand you my flag, laceless and bright

h.

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Showers

A sun is not a sun
if there is no rain
What makes a light be
bright without the dark
sorrows of nothingness
What is light for
me might be
dull for her...
What is a sun with no rain?

h.

DO MI RE

This is the truth
for I speak nothing
less
Respect is a circle,
square, triangle
Admits my mind
sings for you
but my song
is not loud
Tune is off, key is
not right
(will not turn)
Maybe you are not me?

h.

Shards

Careful
now she
can break
skin made
of glass
Glass will
shatter &
crack
But
hold her to
light with
delicate hands
and see
the colours
dance.

h.

Barriers and Obstacles

I break through
the bars that do
not hold me captive
There were never
chains or bolts
My body free to
fly yet so heavy
to soar
The weighted calmness
of being still has
robbed the independence
in my veins
But with one breath
I take back what was
mine and walk through
the gate that was never
closed.

h.

done.

Done with waiting and hoping. Because ultimately I am not even sure what I'm waiting and hoping for. Once I have it would I still want it? Or would I all of a sudden see everything negative that I refused to see before? I play the what if game too much and maybe that is why I can never let go of things that have run their course. Sometimes I see that I am too much of a people pleaser and I hate letting people down, but at the end of the day you need to please yourself no matter what, especially when that person won't commit to you anyway.

I'm done.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

E. E. Cummings

Too Close and too Far

I can officially say I'm over mind games and playing hard to get. I can say that with confidence with my head held high and mean it. Why should I toy with someone's head to make myself seem more desirable. If it is mean to work out, should i not facilitate is rather than push it away? I can say this and mean it, yet when it gets down to it I am guilty of doing just that. I am guilty of playing mind game, but what I am even more guilty of is letting myself fall for pointless crap. You want someone, they want you, should be simple right? No, Never. Why is that? Why are feelings never clear until the person is half way out the door? Why even then do we take what we have for granted? Why is one person always more attached than the other? It took me years, but I finally let go of someone who was weighing me down. I cut all ties and restored my self confidence and breezed through boyfriends never feeling hurt, and always feeling wanted. Until I met this boy a few months ago. Being my new usual self I never expected anything from it I saw it as a joke and someone else to get a little attention from ( to be honest). Basically the initial thing he let me know about himself was that a girl had hurt him and he did not want a relationship. That was fine with me I didn't want one either. Why would I all boys are the same right? As time went on he treated me like a boy would that he was trying to be with emotionally and I tried my hardest to laugh it off to pull away but I got to a point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. We clicked and even though he wasn't perfect and nothing really made sense I fell for him. He told me I was amazing and didn't want to lose me but he still did not want a girlfriend at all.  He had never met a girl like me but he wasn't ready to commit to me. What does a girl do? I never expected to feel this way and he did tell me his intentions so I can't be mad. The empowered female in me wants to walk away with my head held high and my dignity intact but obviously that didn't happen. So I pull away a little and he comes closer and then I get closer and he pulls away and I don't know if there will ever be a happy middle. I wish I could let go now and move on because the longer i let this uncertainty happen the more ridiculous i look along with becoming increasingly hurt. Being the dreamer that I am I can't seem to push forward because what if what I want is around the corner. Everything feels so close, but just a little out of reach. Hmmmm...